What Would I be Without You?

For the past year and a half my boyfriend (guy in the pictures with me if you haven't noticed yet) has constantly picked me up when I fell, he has been there when I needed him, and not once has he walked out on me, but I am going to tell you a story about what I did to him.

I was the one who walked out on him once, I was scared to let him in my heart, and i was scared to love him. I was scared to love him because everyone else in my "birth family"
walked out on me, and I figured "well one day he is going to know who I really am, both good and bad sides of me and he is going to walk out on me like everyone else, so I'm just going to save myself the heartache and leave him." I just left him, not only did I break my own heart in leaving him because I loved him, but I broke his too.  I hate hurting people and when I finally realized that I broke his heart it hurt me.I thought I was doing him good in leaving him so i would save him the trouble of leaving me... truth was and still is, he loved/loves me and he is never going to leave me, but on top of breaking up with him, I also lied to him about why I broke up with him. I told him  that I broke up with him because he was "yelling at me over stupid stuff," when he really wasn't, after we broke up, he was still there for me, but, we were constantly fighting every time we talked, so we just cut off all communication between us. Three months later, I began to miss him, I began missing what we had and I knew he missed it too, I only know this because, the few times we did talk he told me he missed us, he missed what we had, and finally I was beginning to feel the same way. Before we got back together I wrote him a letter telling him the truth of why I broke up with him, he was a little peeved at why I just hadn't been honest in the first place, but, I knew if I had told him he wouldn't leave me alone, and at that point in time I wanted to be left alone by him. I wanted nothing to do with him. The night we got back together, I discovered something that I never realized before, I discovered that I honestly did love him,  I knew I loved him when I broke up with him the first time, but I had doubts, but the night we got back together was when it hit me, square in the face. Ever since we got back together I fall in love with him more and more everyday, even though we don't talk everyday I still fall in love with him more and more each and everyday, because, I know he will be there for me forever, he will never leave my side, even when he dies he will never leave my side, because I will still have him in my heart, and as long as I have him in my heart he will be by my side, just like I will be by his, dead or alive.  Each and everyday I thank God (literally) that he has given me another day to 1. Spend more time with Neal, 2. Spend more time with my family, and 3. To have another day to work hard at what I want to someday be my dreams, but those are besides the point.  Without Neal I honestly do not know where I would be today.  I try to think of my life without Neal in it and just thinking about it makes my stomach turn, it would kill me if he really weren't in my life today.  I would be absolutely nothing without Neal, so Neal if you are reading this, which i know you will be eventually, I want you to know that I love you and I will never stop loving you, this song is for you.  




                                                         Won't Let Go Lyrics by Rascal Flatts



It's like a storm that cuts a pathIt's breaks your will, it feels like thatYou think you're lost, but you're not lostOn your own, you're not aloneI will stand by youI will help you throughWhen you've done all you can doAnd you can't copeI will dry your eyesI will fight your fightI will hold you tightAnd I won't let goIt hurts my heart to see you cryI know it's dark, this part of lifeOh, it finds us allAnd we're too small to stop the rainOh, but when it rainsI will stand by youI will help you throughWhen you've done all you can doAnd you can't copeI will dry your eyesI will fight your fightI will hold you tightAnd I won't let you fallDon't be afraid to fallI'm right here to catch youI won't let you downIt won't get you downYou're gonna make itYeah, I know you can make it'Cause I will stand by youI will help you throughWhen you've done all you can doAnd you can't copeAnd I will dry your eyesI will fight your fightI will hold you tightAnd I won't let goOh, I'm gonna hold youAnd I won't let goWon't let you goNo, I won't